My thoughts are a jumbled mess here, but I feel like I just need to get it all out.
Just recently, I’ve lost someone pretty close to me, a woman I’ve known the past few years, and it definitely has been great knowing her. It was simply a shame that she took her own life.
I feel like she’s still around, whether it’s watching over all of her friends or maybe none of this happened, and she’ll be hanging out with me in a week. But I know she’s gone and I’m wrong. I don’t think she realised how much she means to me. Not only me, but all her other friends as well. I feel that if she would have come to one of us, this could have all been prevented, and it may have. It’s something we don’t have control of anymore.
When I went to her wake, she had so many people there. She had friends from all over, and not a single one had a bad memory of her. She made happy moments out of a lot of things. She’s someone I miss dearly. She was one of my best friends. The hardest thing is to walk up to that casket and see your friend laying in that casket, being so young, and all you can do is think that it’s your fault that you weren’t a better friend. You can’t help but think that if you were a better friend, this wouldn’t of happened.
I’m going to slip in a quote from “The Shawshank Redemption,” because I feel I relate to this quote when I think of her.
I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.
–Ellis Boyd ‘Red’ Redding (Portrayed by Morgan Freeman)
That quote, makes me feel that maybe she’s just in a better place. I think she’s happy. Her worries are gone and she’s happy. While, we’re down here, still recovering, still sad about her. Still missing her to death (for lack of a better term). But some people just aren’t meant to continue in this life. While, I don’t believe suicide is ever the answer, some people can’t handle the stress. Every problem is temporary, and not everyone can realise that. Some people pick the permanent solution to a temporary problem.
That being said, Jude, I miss you. I will always miss you. I never thought you’d be one to take your own life. You’ll always be in my memories.
R.I.P Jude. March 18, 1994 – July 19, 2013
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